2009–The Year in Predictions

I have been reading the psychic predictions for the upcoming year, 2010, and I have to tell you it doesn’t look good.  According to the psychics, we can expect a year of turmoil.  Apparently, there will be civil war in the United States.  Some see a total collapse in our economy.  Others see an assassination attempt against the president.  There are some who see the beginning of the end of the world, with the return of Jesus coming sometime in the fall.

Naturally, these predictions are rather upsetting.  And we can see how accurate those psychics are, as we look back at 2009 as seen through the eyes of the psychics last December, in 2008.

First of all, you all remember how the year 2009 began, with the Colts winning the Superbowl.  We looked back at New Year’s Eve celebrations with a tear in our eye as we mourned the loss of Dick Clark.    But nobody was sad to learn of the death of mass murderer Charles Manson in prison.  But at least one death finally made sense to us when they found the remains of Amelia Earhart, along with that note that explained what really happened to her.

One mystery put to rest, but another was rekindled when that huge ocean liner was lost in the Bermuda Triangle.  I guess the real mystery is why the Monkees ever went on the reunion tour.  Even Michael Nesmith was back in the group, wearing his iconic cap.  Of course, it was also mystery as to why Scarlett Johansson would have barred her breasts on that award show.  That was nearly as strange as Miley Cyrus getting involved in that whole kiddy porn controversy.

Who could pay attention to celebrities, though, when we finally had received radio signals from outside the solar system from some intelligent life form.  That was nearly as amazing as the cure for the common cold that was developed.  Who’d have thought that by simply standing for five minutes in some little cubicle in a doctor’s office, you could get rid of a nasty cold that would have hung on for weeks before.

We might have paid more attention to that great discovery if it weren’t for Hilary Clinton getting involved in that whole cheating scandal.  Nobody expected her to be a bigger philanderer than Bill.  I’m sure it would have been in the media longer had it not been eclipsed by the story of the draft being reinstated.  And it was a good thing, too.  Since the European Union broke up, and with Gordon Brown being forced out in England, and with Russia returning to Communism, we were going to need all the troops we could get.

So naturally, I’m worried about those 2010 predictions, if they are as accurate as the ones made for 2009.  It certainly has been an eventful year.  Although we started off full of hope, it has been disappointing in many ways.  At least we finally got cell phones banned from restaurants here in America.