You Can’t Always Get What You Want

This last weekend, we went to a wedding out in Costa Mesa, which is only about 35 miles from our home. We got about 25 miles of the way there, when a little arrow pointing up lit up on our control panel. So my wife Becky asks me what that little arrow pointing up means. I didn’t know, so I started to frantically look through the owner’s manual of our ancient 1997 Volvo V90 wagon. Meanwhile, she pulled off the freeway at Westminster Boulevard and we pulled into a Chevron station.

I discovered that the arrow indicated a fault with the transmission. And I suppose it was pointing up because apparently our transmission went to heaven, or wherever good auto parts go when they die. Of course, we didn’t know that at the time. We just knew something was amiss. And in this case, amiss is as good as 35 miles—away from home. We limped the car to the wedding on surface streets. We had to be there. I was supposed to play a song I was asked to write for the event. We had the rest of the weekend to mull over our situation. You see, we only have the one car. I know, that’s almost communistic in this society, but that’s the way it is.

I was upset, since we live in a state of perpetual poverty, but I calmed myself by reminding myself that in a worst case scenario, we could cash out one of our 403B retirement accounts and get a new car if we absolutely had to do so. So I started to investigate what kind of cars we could buy. I had it all figured out. Then Monday came.

We had the car towed to our mechanic. Thank God for AAA. I highly recommend AAA if you don’t already have it. Anyway, in the meantime, my wife was sort of liking the idea of getting another car because you sort of like having a car upon which you may depend, if you know what I mean and I think you do. So I started to research even more. Then we got the news about the transmission. Bad. Then we got the news that under IRS rules, we could not cash out our accounts under almost any circumstances—even with a penalty. The money could not be touched until we retire. So what do you do when that happens? Luckily, God is good. Our mechanic was able to keep the bill under $1600. We got the car fixed and now we can drive it. Although, he recommended we not take our old baby on any long trips.

This was very upsetting. It so bothered me that we have no money. Other people buy cars. Other folks have money. But we are in such a lousy financial situation. Our mortgage is so freaking big, it takes most of our income to pay it. I felt so envious of people who have money available to them. So when I looked at the Bible readings for this week, I discovered they were written specifically for us. It’s amazing how often that happens.

In this week’s reading from Luke, Jesus is speaking to an ever increasing crowd. Clearly, the movement is growing. He is invited to a local rabbi’s house for dinner. At dinner, in a move that can be seen as very politically incorrect, Jesus refers to all the scribes and Pharisees as hypocrites. Meanwhile, the crowd outside the house grows. Jesus speaks to them.

Someone out of the crowd said to him, “Teacher, speak to my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” But he said to him, “Man, who placed me judge or divider over you?” And he said to them, “See and guard from all greed, for someone’s life is not in the abundance of possessions.”

But he said a parable to them, saying, “The region of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully. And he was reasoning in himself, saying, ‘What might I do, for I do not have a place where I will store my fruits.’ And he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and I will build greater. And there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I will say to my life, ‘Life, you have many goods laid up into many years. Rest, eat, drink, be merry.’

But God said to him, ‘Fool. This night your life is demanded from you, and the things you have, whose will they be?’ This (is) the one laying up treasures for himself and not being rich into God.’” (Luke, Chapter 12—a direct translation)

It was not uncommon for a rabbi to render a judgment in cases like this one. One might presume that the person asking Jesus the question was a younger brother. Jewish law dictated that the oldest son would inherit the largest portion of an inheritance. No doubt, this young man had heard the teachings of Jesus regarding the rich and the poor and expected Jesus to side with him. But, just as in my case, you don’t always get what you expect.

It must be remembered that people in that time believed that God rewarded the righteous with wealth and prosperity. But Jesus tells them that it is not wealth after which people should aspire. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with wealth, but the desire for wealth is not going to lead a person in the right direction. This is precisely what Siddartha Gautama, the Buddha said also. He said that it is desire that makes us suffer. Let go of desire and you let go of suffering, including the desire to be free of desire.

So many times I turn to God as though S/He were some kind of on line catalog. God, please send me this, or God, please send me that, postage paid, tax-free, always remembering to say thanks, of course. The holy books, however, all indicate that this is not the way God operates. Jesus, who, according to the early texts, was God incarnate, reminds us that he is not the judge of who gets what. We get what we need. This is the teaching of Jesus. Ask, and you will receive. Prayers like this attempt to put us in control.

That’s what we want, isn’t it? We want to control everything. We want to control God. But we can’t. The truth is, we can’t control anything. That’s what got us in trouble in the garden, according to the Adam and Eve myth. We wanted to be like God. We wanted control. Even as a child, I wanted to control my parents. I wanted to tell them what to do. But that isn’t how it works. And whether I liked it or not, I had to do what my parents wanted me to do. Often as not, I didn’t like it. But it usually ended up being for the best.

What I need is all in that prayer Jesus taught us. Give us this day, our daily bread. That’s all I need. I thought I needed a new car. What I really need is a car that will get me from point A to point B. Now you might think that it would be better if I had a car that would get me from point A to point B without worry. But can you ever have that? New cars break down too. We just don’t think they will. That is an illusion.

So consider it. My prayers were answered. The repair came in, if not at a price that made me happy, at least at a price we had the money in the bank to pay. Our mechanic was able to fix the car. And the retirement funds remain untouched. It would be nice to have a new car, that’s true. It would have been nice to have a pony when I was seven, too. But it wouldn’t have been a good idea.

And when you consider all the emotional suffering I was going through, it is simply just crazy. All the worry in the world won’t get the car fixed. And, in the end, had something happened, had I a heart attack or something and died Sunday night, I would have gone through all that suffering for nothing. Let’s face it, you can have the best job, the best car, the best house, the best of everything, and then you up and die, and what have you got?

Once upon a time, I used to think that when you found the right person, you got married. That way, you were safe. After all, you don’t want to go through life alone, do you? But marriage isn’t safe. You can get married, and that person can still leave you. That person can die. Any number of things can happen. And there you are, alone again (naturally, thanks, Gilbert).

The truth is, you can’t control anything. And any thought that you can is just an illusion on your part. We all know those people, “control freaks”, we call them. They drive us nuts. We would like those people to just let go. But you can’t let go of what you never had. The truth is that we’re all control freaks to some degree, and we need to let go of that illusion that we have any control at all. At any moment, everything can fall apart. Just ask the people in New Orleans.

All you can do is trust. All you can do is have faith that you will have everything you need to get by. Now you might say that there are a whole lot of people who don’t get what they need. People die. People pray for help and they die. That is true. That’s the way it goes. There is more to the universe than our lives here. So we die. That’s what happens. What happens after that, we don’t know. We have beliefs, but they could be wrong. Either way, there’s nothing we can do about it. We have no control. We can only do the best we can and hope for the best. And we don’t even know what the best is.

There was a time that I would have thought the best thing would have been for God to save my first marriage and that S/He would let me keep my job as a store manager. Boy was I wrong. I have since discovered that I am so far better off now than I was before because of those challenges in my life. Things happen the way they happen because it is the way they are supposed to happen. That is where faith comes in. And faith, as I have said before, is, in Greek, a verb, not a noun. It is not something you have, it is something you do. True peace of mind comes from understanding and embracing this idea. It takes a lifetime to learn.

As always, I found my message from God in the teachings of Jesus. But you can find those messages in many places. You just have to be open to them. Just consider the words of those great holy men, The Rolling Stones, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might just find, you get what you need.” Oh yeah. Oh, and if you feel like donating some cash to the cause, feel free. God won’t mind.