Jesus was walking around Heaven one day and came out by the gates where St. Peter was hard at work sorting out those who would enter Heaven from those who wouldn’t. Jesus said, “Pete, you’re at the gate a lot. When do you take a break?” Peter said, “Never. This is my job. All the time.” Jesus, feeling compassionate for his friend said, “Hey, I’ll take over for a while, why don’t you grab a cup of coffee.” Peter gladly said yes and went on his way. Jesus opened the Book of Life and looked up to the next person in line. “Name?” he said. “Mary O’Donnell,” the old woman...

I’ve seen some pretty interesting weight-loss products in my time. They all promise to help you lose a lot of weight in a short time, as much as a pound a day. There are pills and shakes and special belts and shorts. There are special “exercise” machines that all promise to help you shed the pounds with little or no effort (results may vary). However, the strangest product I ever saw advertised for weight loss was something you were supposed to add to your bath water. Just put the product in the bath and then watch the fat go right down the drain! Some people will believe anything. But I...

The last time we went to Ireland, we spent a day taking a bus-tour of the Wicklow Mountains (such as they are. North Americans have to laugh a little at what the Irish call “mountains”.). We went through the village of Avoca where the BBC series, Ballykissangel was filmed, and then to the ancient monastic village established by Saint Kevin back in 540 CE called Glendaloch. The Village gets its name from the twin lakes less than a mile or so down the road from the village. Glendaloch is Gaelic for “two lakes”. The buildings there are simple, stone buildings, built to withstand the...

Isn’t it interesting how many famous people die unknown and poor, even people who were once famous? Of course, I suppose the world is full of non-famous, poor people, but still, you’d think that once you were rich and famous, you’d stay that way. The poor part I can understand. I mean, everyone makes bad money decisions and money is kind of hard to get and keep. Do you ever look at your W-2 in January and wonder what the hell you did with all that money and why don’t you have it anymore? I look at think, and mine shit, I waste a lot of money. Sometimes I’ll...

Okay, it’s been a year since I returned to the kung fu club and so it’s time for a progress report.  As you may recall, it was a year ago on Memorial Day that I bumped into a guy giving away free karate lessons during a local street fair.  I took him up on the offer because I knew that I needed to get some exercise and practicing a martial art is a lot less boring than lifting weights and running on treadmills. I had practiced kung fu for a good many years before, but an injury has forced me to stop for a time.  I started to focus my attention in other pursuits, such as music and writing,...

One of the really less than enjoyable aspects of being a teacher is having to give grades. No, it’s not that it’s hard to pass judgment on someone’s ability to perform math or to write an essay (although that’s not the easiest thing to do), it’s the labor of it. You have to add up all the students’ grades and then average them in order to figure out what grade they deserve. That’s why I have a grade book program for my computer. I simply input the grades and the computer tells me what grade the student receives. I don’t know what I’d do without...

The people from the land of Grammaria have asked me to talk to the public once again. It seems that a certain word in our English language is being abused, and if there is one thing for which the Grammarians will not stand, it is word abuse. And Americans are the worst (or best, depending on your point of view) at word abuse. Let us take, for example, the popular expression—butt naked, as in, “We went swimming in the Jacuzzi butt naked.” This is incorrect, and will cause the citizens of Grammaria to laugh at you. The correct term is “buck naked”. This refers back to a time...

Okay, Friday is the birthday of Abraham Lincoln. It used to be a school holiday, but then some bastards went and combined Lincoln’s Birthday with Washington’s Birthday, called it President’s Day, and now we only get one day off instead of two. This ought to be reason enough to be angry. But what really gets to me when I stop to think about things and dwell upon them, and then ruminate some more, is the god-like status we give to someone like Abraham Lincoln. Being an American and loving your country is a lot like being at Disneyland. You really want to believe in the fantasy,...

It’s funny when you spend a few hours on the freeway watching the cars, how many of the most rude and obnoxious drivers drive around with little fishes, or crosses plastered on their cars. I usually notice the fish just about the same time the driver of the car is greeting me with a gesture that is not usually associated with the Christian religion, and is far from the holy kiss with which the early Christians were advised to greet one another, but then, I guess they don’t realize that we’re Christians as they cut us off. But then Christians have always been good at messing with...

I will be signing copies of my book, Natural Selection, at the Maritime Research Center and Nautical Shop in San Pedro on Saturday, November 7th, from 2.00 PM to 4.00 PM.  I will read some selections from the book, maybe sing a song or two, perhaps read a poem, so come and see.  It should be an interesting afternoon for you if you live in the South Bay area of Los Angeles.  Come and get your copy of the book signed.  What?  You don’t have a copy?  Then go to the link on the lower right hand side and order one from Amazon.com!  There will also be copies available for sale at the signing...