Another in the popular Pat Robertson series: –Hello, Mr. Robertson.  I would like to have a word with you. –What?  Excuse me?  Pam!  PAM! –Your secretary cannot hear you, Mr. Robertson. –Pam!  What did you do to my secretary, you ni… –Now watch your mouth, Mr. Robertson.  I would advise you to keep a civil tongue, if you know how to do that. –Now look you.  I don’t know who you are, or what you’re selling, but you better get your ass out of here before I call security.  And put out that pipe!  There’s no smoking in this building! –You can...

When I was a kid, I used to have to listen to my mom’s stories about her family. These stories used to go all the way back to the very beginnings of our family in America. She used to talk about the Oteros and how they came from Spain with a Spanish land grant. She used to talk about how our family, once upon a time, used to own all of what is now Tucson, Arizona. She used to tell us stories about how they were wealthy in cattle. And I used to listen to these stories and think, yeah, right. Then how come we’re so poor now? Then I would hear the story of the daughter who was cut off,...

I Am 55 Today I Am I have seen fifty-five times the promise of light I have seen the rise of the Titan rocket and the fall of the Challenger I have seen the rise of Camelot and the fall of a president I have seen the rise of Dylan and the fall of Cobain I have heard the voice of a prophet crying in darkness I saw them kill Martin, kill Malcolm, kill Bobby, kill Jack I saw the rise of our consciousness and the fall of our aspirations I saw burning banks, burning draft cards, burning bras, burning desires I saw Watts burning, Detroit burning, Saigon burning, burning, burning I saw burning Vietnamese...

Today is the feast of the Epiphany. This is, in the Roman Catholic Church, the last day of Christmas. After today, most people take down the Christmas decorations. The tree is now down and the lights all packed until next year. Today’s feast celebrates the arrival of the wise men who came from the east following that star in the sky to a cave in Bethlehem. The word epiphany comes from the Greek word, epiphaneia, which means to appear, or to show. In English, we give the word three meanings. It is, first, of course, this feast day of the Church (since that’s how the word came into the...

I try to do the best I can, The same as any other man To bravely face this coming year, As last year, when it first began I face myself there in the mirror, A few more gray hairs growing here A few more errors understood, My vision just a bit more clear I’ll face the year as children would And hope the future is as good As all the years I’ve gathered in, Remembering to knock on wood. For I know mankind’s greatest sin Is looking back at what has been, And think him master of his soul When watching a new year begin For as the world goes speeding in its course I cannot change it’s...

New Years is one of those funny holidays. You can celebrate it several times during the year if you like. You can celebrate the Jewish New Year in the autumn and the Chinese New Year in the winter. And of course, you can celebrate the New Year along with Dick Clark. When I was a boy, it was Guy Lombardo. He always said that when he died he would take New Years with him. He didn’t, and in the course of history New Years will come and go whether any of us are here to see them or not. But why are there so many New Years? The reason we have so many New Years Days is because we don’t all use the...

People were very offended when President Obama received the Nobel Prize for peace this year and rightly so.  After all, we are currently involved in two, count them, two wars.  And seldom have I ever seen a person deliver an acceptance speech that defends warfare while receiving a peace prize.  You have to admit that takes balls.  Even GW never would have done that, I’m sure.  But then GW probably would have figured that only a pussy would accept a peace prize. Anyway, with all the attention on the Nobel Prizes this year, it is not surprising that, yet again, the media failed to properly...

I have been reading the psychic predictions for the upcoming year, 2010, and I have to tell you it doesn’t look good.  According to the psychics, we can expect a year of turmoil.  Apparently, there will be civil war in the United States.  Some see a total collapse in our economy.  Others see an assassination attempt against the president.  There are some who see the beginning of the end of the world, with the return of Jesus coming sometime in the fall. Naturally, these predictions are rather upsetting.  And we can see how accurate those psychics are, as we look back at 2009 as seen through...

Sometimes I lose things. Being old, that doesn’t surprise me. It happens. There are books of which I was sure I knew their whereabouts, then I go to get them out off the shelf, and they aren’t there. And at work I am always losing paperwork. I put some important form down on my desk and then three days later when I need it, it is nowhere to be found. I have even had to request new forms from time to time to replace the ones I’ve lost. And then I once lost a twenty-dollar bill. I had it in my pocket, then later in the day, in the cafeteria, I went to pull it out and it was gone....

I am held fast by chains of fear and yet The day will come when fear will let me go So many fears that I could not forget And many fears to come I do not know When my young days were long I was afraid Of losing love and being left alone I yearned the comfort of my mother’s words My father’s arms as strong as any stone They both held back the perils of the night That I might set my face to the unknown In these dim days I find my fears the same Of being old, and living on my own Without my heart’s true love to hold my hand And comfort me when night begins to fall I fear one day...